In this country we drive on the right side of the road, we don't talk to our neighbors unless it's really necessary and most of us are "på semester" right now. So chances are that you’ll meet us wherever you plan to spend your holiday. The Swedish language is kind of tricky to get a hang of though. If you remember the gibberish of the Swedish chef from the Muppet show it's not that far from the truth. Therefore we’ve prepared a list of phrases, places and faces one should know. Only for you. Read carefully and try to memorize at least some of them. Good luck and once again welcome to Sweden.
Usable phrases – användbara fraser
● Heje! [edje] greeting; Hi there!
● Jag jobbar med media [jajobbarmedja] pickup line; I really, really need to get laid tonight.
● Ligga? [liggja] pickup line; Your place or mine?
● Sluta tafsa! [slotataffsa] phrase; Stop touching my body!
● Billig taxi? [billitaksi] phrase; Can you drive me home without putting on the taximeter?
● Var finns närmaste schyssta femställe? [var finns nermaste femstelle] phrase;
Can you put me on the list to the Gubbrum? (Stockholm) Which way is Avenyn? (Göteborg) Do you know any good svartklubb? (Malmö)
Food and beverages – Mat och dryck
● Köttbullar [chöttbullar] food; One of Sweden’s most famous dishes, meatballs. Usually served with lingonberry sauce. Restaurant Tranan in Stockholm serves very nice and huge meatballs.
● Korv med bröd [kårvmebrö] food; Hot dog.
● Hel special [helspesjal] food; same as above but with mashed potatoes. Slang commonly used in Gothenburg.
● Stor stark [stoorstaaark] beverage; The most common order in Sweden. Simply a glass of beer. The prices may vary a lot on these though, so beware.
● Systembolaget [sistembolagett] shop; The only store where you can buy liquor, but you have to be at least 20 years of age, and sober.
● Folköl [fålle] beverage; People beer. The only alcoholic beverage available when Systembolaget has closed.
● Bärs och järn [barsojarn] beverages; A very common order in bars. Consists of a beer and a shot, often a Fernet. If you're hardcore you switch the beer for a glass of champagne.
● Lumumba [lumumba] beverage;
A disgusting drink based on rum and the popular chocolate drink Pucko. Beware.
● Kanelbulle [kaneelbolle] snack; Cinnamon roll. Often consumed along with a cup of coffee.
Sill, Atlantic herring, food; Traditional swedish summertime food. Have it together with some potatoe and vodka, yum-yum.
People – Folk
● Michael Brinkenstjärna Night Club entrepenuer; Dj and celebrity mentor for swedish megastars like Niclas Wahlgren and The Poodles.
● Johannes Brost Actor; Famous for his participation in Swedens most classic soap frpm the 90's – Rederiet. Today he has, as you say, gone to the dogs.
● Patrik Ekwall Journalist; Unpleasant and self-righetous sportjournalist, stay away.
● Bengt Frithiofsson Wine expert; Enjoyer of life. Connoisseur. Likable as hell.
● Claes Malmberg Actor, comedian; Archetype for swedish people born and raised in the west coast: noisy, bad sense of humour and polite.
● Annika Lantz Radio profile; Brilliant comedian and talkshowhost, Sweden’s Jon Stewart.
● Carolina Gynning Model, host; Became famous thanks to the Swedish edition of Big Brother. Just turn on the tv and you'll spot her in five minutes. She's either participating in or hosting some show.
● Kungen the King; The head of the royal family with no bigger practical purpose than a garden gnome.
● Anders Lundin entertainer; Host for the extremely popular sing-along show Allsång på Skansen.
● Zlatan Ibrahimovic soccer player; Sweden’s most reputable soccer player. Made famous through a song by Franz.
● Markus Krunegård artist; Became famous after a hit single with his vampire song. Often goes by the nickname “Krunis”.
● Filippa Reinfeldt First Lady; Cute politician! Married to Swedens Prime minister Fredrik Reinfeldt who's favourite drink, by the way, is Campari and juice.
● Hipster syndrome; Cool guy who's not only popular among girls but also among guys. Andreas Kleerup for example is a well known hipster.
● Svenne syndrome; Basically the opposite of Hipster. If you see a guy wearing shorts in a bar you know for sure that you've spotted a Svenne, and that you should move to another bar.
Venues – Platser
● Båstad [baastad] tennis resort; The place where thousands of privileged party people pilgrimage one week every summer.
● Östermalm [Ostermalm] district; Stockholm’s sunset strip, the only part of the capitol that never sleeps.
● Sergels Torg [plattan] square; A kind of ugly square in the city centre of Stockholm. The place to go if you want to demonstrate against something, or buy drugs.
● Drottningholm [Drottninghaalm] castle; The big castle in Stockholm and of course residence of the royal family. Beautiful gardens and beautiful (empty) adjacent buildings.
● Gotland [gautlaund] island; Popular resort for both families and youngsters looking for party. Stay away from the medieval week though if you're not into role play.
● Visby [Visbi] city; The largest city of Gotland, preserved from the 13th century surrounded by a 3.6 kilometer long wall with 27 towers. Like the great wall of China in miniature, sort of.
● The archipelago [Skaergaarn] islands; The archipelagos of Gothenburg and Stockholm used to be inhabited by fishermen with wool sweaters, but is now the summer retreat for ten thousands of regular sunbathers.
● Turning Torso [Turning Taarsoe] building; Amazingly strange building in Malmoe. With a height of 190 metres it contains 54 floors divided into 9 cubical units – some say the architect were sniffing glue the night he sketched it.
● Liseberg [Liseberj] amusement park; Take a trip to Gothenburg and visit the biggest amusement park in Scandinavia! Eat cotton candy, go bananas on the roller coasters and win a crazy–looking teddy bear at the wheel of fortune.
● Möllevången district; Known for it's subcultural and political character. Famous swedish actor Nils Poppe, who starred in severeal Bergman–movies, was born here.
● Sagerska Palatset; state apartment Official Residence of the Prime Minister and his charming wife Filippa.
Nightlife – Nattliv Stockholm
● Spy Bar nightclub; A melting pot of people, styles and body fluids. No matter where you’ve spent the night you’ll end up at Spy Bar for sure.
● Fredsgatan nightclub; Basically just steps leading up to a terrace but for some reason it's the place to hang out if you’re a good looking youngster, or interested in meeting such people.
● Debaser Slussen nigthclub; Stockholms most fabulous open air restaurant, crowded with 30-year old handsome people in leather jackets.
Gothenburg
● Push nightclub; 30 million SEK–project with the ambition to bring glamour and exclusiveness to the west coast.
● Way Out West festival; Probably the best line-up this year of all Swedish music festivals (and we do have a lot of them). Wow takes place between the 13–15:th of August.
● Gretas Nightclub; Popular nightspot for gay people, spectacular dragshows and energetic, sweaty, dancefloors.
Malmoe
● Kulturbolaget Rock’n’roll institution; Has hosted thousands of up and coming acts as well as international icons through the years. The Strokes, Nick Cave and Joanna Newsome among others has entered the stage at Kulturbolaget, more known as, if you’re hip that is, KB.
● Malmöfestivalen festival; Malmoe also has it’s own festival which is the biggest city festival in Sweden, and most important of all it’s for free. 14–21:st of August.
● Casino Cosmopol Casino; State-owned unchristian institution – shuffle up and deal.
Facts
● Sweden has a total population of nine million. Most of them are either "svennar" or immigrants.
● Every year a large number of road moose–signs are stolen by tourists. Usually by Germans.
● Sweden is very often confused with Switzerland which is an entirely different country.
● Swedes are known to be promiscuous and found of nudity. A rumor that is kind of true at least during the summer.
● Sweden is a member of the European Union but haven’t still gotten the guts to change the currency to Euro so the Swedish crown is still used.
● Swedes tend to get really really old, so gold diggers: don’t bother.
● The three most famous Swedish pop artists are ABBA, Roxette and Darin.
● Sweden has the highest number of McDonald's per capita in Europe.
● We also have the highest number of Nobel Prizes per capita, which might be related to the fact that it was founded by a Swede.
● The most common name in Sweden is Maria Johansson. Tragic, isn't it?
By Pelle Tamleht and Johan Kellman Larsson Illustrations Carsten Oliver Bieräugel
