Now that you've made it in Hollywood, do you think you will change as a person and stop being this easygoing and "down with the people" kind of man you are?
- This moviefilm will not change me as I already fourth most famous person in Kazakhstan. Number three is ex Olympic gymnast Lily Utmarkan who now perform in Kazakh State Circus where she famous for be able to put one foot in ear while other in her vagine. Number two is our glorious Premier Nazarbayev and number one is animal actor Jonny The Monkey who dress like Humphry Bogarts and smokes cigarettes. He children's favourite and star of Transibiersky Express and many many other pornos.
Do you have any Kazakhstani games or party tricks you'd like to share with us?
- As well as small games like, "when the mouse eat the snake", we also has big games just like your country. For example, we in Kazakhstan, has event almost exact the same as your football matches, called Feast of Shurik. Only slight difference is, instead of 80 000 people gather in town for watch people kick a ball, we have 2 million shepherds who come down from the Tinshein Hills and gather in a field where they get very drunk on fermented horse urine, then dig a big hole which they fill with dogs and Uzbekis. They then throw potato on them for two day, before comb each others hair and return to hills.
What aspect of the American life style made the biggest impression on you? What surprised you the most?
- I was very surprise to learn that it is now illegal to shoot at Red Indians. Once again I would like apologise with all my heart to Chief Running Dear of the Potawatomi Reservation in Nevada. How was I to know? There were no signs. I also very surprise to discover womens is permit to drive motorcar. We say in Kazakhstan that "to let woman drive a car, is like to let monkey fly a plane". We do not allow this any more since 2003 Astana Air Crash.
You have a very nice MySpace where you talk a bit about your hobbies. Have you gained any new friends? Are you down with the internet?
- Very much - as well as MySpaces, I would also like to recommend official Kazakh Government paysite, www.illegalkazakhteens.gov.kz
How come you edited out a lot of the most brilliant journalistic work from the film, for example the cheese inspection-scenes and your encounter with your gonhorrea doctor?
- Many scenes was lost from moviefilm because the videocassettes they were filmed on was needed to be recorded over for a new programme before we had a chance to complete editings.
What's in your iPod right now?
- I do not have iPod, I have machine that play brand new format, compact cassette! I very much like music, by dancing negro, Michael Jacksons - especially his new song Beat it. We have many major exports in my country - first is potassium, second is apples and third is small boys to Michael Jackson's ranch. Why not? They like. Is niiice! Also I am listen to singing transvestite Madonna. He really look like a womans! Only thing that give him away is his huge hands, and the bulge around his chram. My personal favourite though is rockmusic band, Queen - in particular the singer, Frederick Mercury. He is a ladies man. It great shame that he die in that car crash. Many peoples say I looks like him, infacts, last month I come 7th in Almaty's annual 'who look most like Freddy Mercury' competition. This out of over 843 000 entrant!
You've paid your respects many times to Kazakhstan blockbuster film Angry S
snakes on a gypsy boat. Do you have any other favourites in the action genre?
- Current our most popular movie character is from comic book and is named, Astounding Woman? She have incredible strength that she use to pull a large plough for over 84 hours without food or water. Also, on her body, she have 12 magnificent tit - 5 front, 5 back, and 2 under - they produce sufficient milk to make 25 kilogram of cheese a day and her vagine is so big that she can give birth to 14 sons at one time. Also she have a brain so powerful for a woman, that at end of her working day, she can actual lock her own cage.
When giving a piece of "number two" to the hostess of a dinner party, what sort of bag should one use? Do you bring them with you at all times?
- I was very surprise to learn of American toilet customs. While I was there I went to a restaurant named "McDonalds" that was so fancypants it too also have a separate room for make a shit in.
How many women did you sleep with during your US trip? Overall, how would you rate American women as lovers, as opposed to those in your home country? For you, what are the most important seducing qualities?
- To make attract a lady, first I make sure I smell nice to the womens by not washing for 15 days. The smell of my chram is then very strong. Then when the woman is close I like to say sweetie things in her ears before I grab her..
What do you think is your biggest attraction as a man?
- I has a chram fat like a tube of Pringles.
What do American women have to learn from their Kazakhstani sisters?
- In Kazakhstan, women do not do a bikinis wax - instead they removes hairs from their backs and use it to increase the size of their pubis. It a great sign of beauty for a womans to have more hair between legs than on her head. Only time woman shave vagine is for infestation of Kratzuli, or in winter to make wool for knit gloves. Kazakh pubis hair, is the finest in the whole of Central Asia and is our number three export. It is highly valuable because it very good for clean pots and pans. Also, many of our ladies hang rocks from their teets, in order to make them hang low. Current Miss Kazakhstan, Karylgash Akmetova, have a beautiful pair of teats that make dangle 1,3 metre [1.54 if you include milk valve]. I would very much recommend western ladies try Kazakh face pack of Aral Sea mud mix with bear semens. If it made proper it will remain on skin for up to 3 month.
How is Bilo doing these days?
- He is a sex crazy! All day long he sit in his cage looking on porno and rub rub rub!
You've tried desperately to arrange a personal screening of your documentary film for Mr George W Bush, but he wouldn't let you. Were you disappointed?
- No, he very busy man with his War Of Terror. I would like say, Kazakh peoples admire many thing about George Walter Bush. He a very wise man and very strong - although perhaps not strong as his father, Barbara. The recent summit of Kazakhstan and US and A - two most powerful nations in the world - was great success and we is closer friends than ever before. Premier Nazarbayev and George Walter Bush reach many important trade agreement during this visit. Premier Bush kindly agree not to place tariff on Kazakh imports of Potassium, apples and human pubis. I know it is not polite to make boasting, but Kazakh pubes is finest in all of Central Asia - I challenge you to find Uzbek pubis that is as good at cleaning pots and pans, or indeed Tajik vagine-fur that can be knitted into gloves as comfy as ours makes.
Do you have any new exciting film projects in the pipe?
- I not sure when I will be film next documentary, because for the next 18 months our country's camera is fully booked to make other television programmes. During this times, I am focus on showbizness career of my 11 yr old son Bilak. He recent start a as actor in the Kazakh version of Teletubbies! He still very nervous about appear on camera. especially for the sex scenes. I do not know why - he have a magnificent chram - circumference 16.7 cm - he should be proud to show it to the other childrens.
In the global world of today, what are the most urgent problems right now, except for the Jews and the Gypsies?
- We in Kazakhstan, just like rest of the world is very worry about backwards "rogue states" - especially assholes, Uzbekistan. We is very scared about weapons of mass destruction - it is rumour that in ten years Uzbekistan will have the technology to build their own catapults.
How does it feel when your fellow country men stab you in the back?
- Reports that Kazakhstan is unhappy with with me is actually lying propaganda from assholes Uzbekistan - who as everyone knows is very nosey people with a bone in the middle of their brains. My glorious leader, Premier Nazarbayev is, in fact, very proud of my film and recently travelled to Washingtons DC to promote it. While he was there, he become great friend with US Premier, George Walter Bush and teach him how to crush glass in his hand and suspend car battery from his testes for almost 5 seconds. If there is one more item of Uzbeki propaganda claiming that we do not drink fermented horse urine, give death penalty for cleaning anoos with Kazakh flag, or export over 300 tons of human pubis per year, then we will have no alternative but to commence bombardment of their cities with our catapults.
Ok, Chenquieh. It was very nice talking to you.
